Reparenting Your Inner Child And Adult Self

Reparenting the inner child is about ironing out the emotional obstacles that have held us back from living free and the emotional regulation to manage and solve problems - it is crucial for self-growth. Healing the inner child and reparenting the adult self can be a complex process on the road to healing - and often, we have fragmented parts we need to work on to bring things together.

The inner child holds the keys to our freedom and liberation!

I never knew anything about my inner child until my old therapist asked me: If a small child fell over, you would console her, wouldn't you? I was confused for a few seconds until I realised how harsh I could be on myself. As time went on, I listened and became more aware of the language I used and had to find ways of speaking to my inner child that encouraged, loved and comforted her. I may have made a mistake and said to myself, 'you are so silly sometimes' or 'you should be better at this by now.' Once I heard this voice, I realised I wasn't loving my inner child - and if anything, I was holding her back and having unrealistic expectations of her current capabilities.

How do you speak to your inner child? What voice is speaking through you? Is it the imposter, the one who says you can’t do it, or you will be no good at it if you try? Do you scold yourself or tell yourself you are stupid or worthless when you make a mistake? Do you tell yourself that you are too old to swing on a swing? or play games as you did when you were a child?

It is necessary to identify how this voice speaks to us because it is the same voice speaking to our inner child

Sometimes we carry the same language pattern from our parents or caregivers onto our inner child - which can cause us more harm, especially when we are on the road to healing. When we identify all the ways we speak to ourselves, we allow ourselves to correct what needs correcting from a new and healthier perspective. For example: when a baby learns to walk, they have taken many steps to arrive at that level of independence. They strengthen their backs to sit up, learn to crawl, and then fall a thousand times before they manage to take a single step forwards. You see, a healthy parent would not punish the child for falling over or call them useless when the child tries with all their might - the parent cheers them on until they finally get it, and they celebrate the milestone.

When reparenting the inner child, we need these kind words and encouragement to heal the child within. See this side of you like a small child learning something new. Encourage and let the inner child know that you are the parent and you make the decisions.

In some areas, the inner child has been running the show. When you start to reparent, you may feel a lot of resistance, and that is the inner child putting up barriers. The inner child does not trust this new way of being or doing, so our job is to make the inner child feel safe and secure with where we’re going. So, how do you unleash this disconnected aspect of yourself you've spent many years trying to hide? When you become more connected to your inner child, you will be able to identify the signs of wounds and how they manifest in your life.

As I learned to integrate my inner child, it was essential to implement some new life skills. Initially, I tried to put into action multiple skills, and I failed each time. I decided to take one habit at a time, but the child in me continuously wanted a distraction, to avoid, give up, resist or procrastinate. Taking one skill or habit at a time allowed me to have more control of my inner child, not my inner child controlling me. I had given in to my inner child so many times before - of course, she never trusted my word because she knew it was only a matter of time before I gave up! I met my inner child with compassionate discipline and emotional education.

Reparenting The Adult Self

Think about how a healthy parent would guide their child. They would comfort the child when shame, judgement and criticism came to the surface.

  • A healthy parent would guide the child to refocus on the project at hand when she was distracted or wanted to give up.

  • A healthy parent would make sure the child made time for self-care and fun.

  • Look after yourself, be responsible and take accountability for yourself.

  • Be mindful of your self-talk and conversation.

  • Treat self with integrity.

  • Rebalance, get your house (self) in order, and emotional house in order.

  • Communicate with your inner child and spend time colouring, dancing - anything you enjoyed doing as a child.

  • Give your inner child clear and consistent communication.

Please remember to have compassion for yourself as this is no easy task, you are not a failure if you fall down, or make a mistake - just get up and try again.

"Your inner child still needs to be loved in order to heal the complete self."

Karen A. Baquiran

Book a free complimentary session if you would like help working with your inner child.

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