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Narcissists Thrive on Playing Dark Chess

Updated: Nov 27, 2021





Narcissists thrive on playing dark chess with all their players in position, many are oblivious to the game but some are complicit and know their role. They are often referred to as ‘flying monkeys’. This is a phrase that is used to show how narcissists use different people to target you and take you down.


It could be a family member, a friend or even your child who is encouraged to continue the abuse whilst the narcissist hides their hands behind their backs. I will go into further details about flying monkeys and triangulation in another blog.


How do you play a game you have no awareness of or have any instructions on how to play fairly?


When you finally realise that some kind of game is being played, you are left feeling totally confused and often defenceless. Who are the players and how can I position myself to play the game?.


One thing that we often do is get back into the game without any strategies, without the experience of a master chess player, thinking we can beat them at their own game. I can assure you, if you have a heart, it won’t allow you to sink to the unfathomable depths that a narcissist can go to.


They play in a double-crossed way, check-mating people along the path of destruction - All carefully and meticulously orchestrated by the way!




The best way to win is not to play their game and play your own. Your game should be to create your personal boundaries and defend them. This will help you to stay more balanced.


Look at your chess piece and remove it from the board. The game cannot be played with a missing piece, so they have to find another player to replace you… unlucky for them.


Now, I can already hear you asking: “But what if they come back and pull me in?”. Unfortunately, they often do until you decide how you’re going to play your own game and not by their self-seeking and vicious rules. The rules are changed time and time again to suit their goals and what they want to achieve from the situation.


Imagine yourself on a playing field and you refuse to move, no matter what tactics the other players are playing you do NOT move. I know it’s easier said than done but bear with me for a moment. When players try to pull you in various underhanded ways, it leaves you mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. You will need to have some strategies to prepare and cope mentally and emotionally because they've been playing all their lives - you haven’t.


Imagine this, for a long time the narcissist has played the role of a puppet master, pulling at all the strings to control your emotional and mental state. They KNOW YOU!, that's the scary part. Over the months and years, the narcissist has been studying your very essence, listening intently to the things you like, dislike, your family life, and your childhood upbringing.


They discreetly test your emotional reactions and boundaries to see what you will allow, how defensive you are, and the very things you told them will be used to weaponise against you any time they see fit.



The rules are never revealed to any of the players, however they work together by the unspoken rule. In order to see the puppet master in action, you have to observe the rules without any emotion where you can witness all the ways in which they played the game of manipulation - the art of war on your mind, body and spirit.


Learning how to become more aware of your emotional reactions and responses will help you along your path to recovery.


In the next blog, I will focus on the no contact rule. See you soon x



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